We’re gonna tackle once and for all... the BIGGEST obstacle between a guy and girl FIGHTING. Why it gets so nasty. Why it makes you hesitate going further with someone, or even trying with someone new. Giving your all... after your all has been bashed in the FACE. Most important! Believing that being in love CAN actually stay that way. LOL That’d be nice. Especially, since you practically dive into their entire being helping them sort out so much shit (hang ups n’ issues) bending BACKWARDS so many times you actually see life through our butthole at this point... and it’s very dim. But here’s the GEM! Having a fight... IS the ultimate gooey substance that makes (if properly understood) two people INSEPARABLE.
A mystical union with divine intervention... completely at play
Here’s how it works!
When there‘s a fight between you and you’re guy (or girl) it’s critical to see the message. I mean... There is a REASON you’re fighting and also, the gift that will COME from this fight... If it’s allowed <3 When you attract someone to your life they’re coming in to ‘teach’ you something (or A LOT of things). And depending on your fighting style...
- How well you two sync up in communicating your truth (what you’re feeling).
- The CHAPTER both of you are here to complete for each other (short, long or the ultimate a whole novel)
Will determine the outcome... A break up OR real juicy enriching union, a feeling of restriction and contraction OR expansion and freedom. It’s my absolute promise to YOU once I explain the semantics of fighting you’ll never see it the same way and you’ll end up with your soul mate... or swine flu of a person (always leave you WEAKER than they found you) lol either way they have to COME. The two of you (like magnetic poles) are tugging at each other, it’s the REASON break ups happen (to CLEAR the way). Or challenging aspects from your past perception of how a relationship should be is healed and revised. So... a LOT of sparks flying while chiseling and shaping the magic between you, the value you hold for the world, being together. Both of YOU balanced and without your phobias and fears (not good enough, not worthy so gonna fuck it up by doing something to hurt them) are put to rest. So that BOTH welcome (without resistance this time) the love of a LIFE time, the only love YOU do deserve. Cuz although it’s scary to wonder if that guy... girl, is really out there. Do they REALLY exist? Does true love even HAPPEN? It’s actually... much MORE terrifying to actually FIND them... as you shall see.
The immediate PURPOSE of having a fight is to align yourself with each other’s safety parameters (your zones) making sure you haven’t accidentally or otherwise, violated any of their values or beliefs about themselves, their guide posts as to how they need to be loved. The real REASON however... is what’s usually overlooked. It’s to align (and in most cases) re-align yourself with SELF. Cuz in most cases, you’ve done something far too long (fully expecting a benefit for it) or a way of behaving... that wasn’t really YOU (just did it to make them feel comfortable) cuz you’re afraid to show certain aspects of yourself, might not be accepted. And the biggest BAD WOLF!? Sacrificed something for them and now that there’s a FIGHT... you feel sooo unappreciated for all your efforts (what you did for them) that they never actually asked for, nor was even aware of.
From a fairy goddess perspective, that’s what’s known as ‘the tripping zone’. Cuz they’re always trippin! LOL Naturally... and YOU can’t figure out why! Cuz you’re in the dark about it. So get this! Whenever there’s a deception in a relationship and this is the trickiest kind of deception cuz it’s not towards them, it’s towards yourself... and now everything’s under the fucken radar, cuz you can’t see it! Cuz you’re not aware you’re doing this (consciously).
Your boyfriend makes it a point to never ever yell at you ‘no matter what’. Doesn’t matter how pissed off he is, he’s put it his BRAIN under no circumstances, can he ever get mad at you and yell CUZ... your last boyfriend was abusive in tone and put downs, your brother screams at you allll the time and your dad yells non-stop at your mom and it scares YOU. Cuz your guy is denying himself the natural anger that may happen in the process of getting to know you (his style of anger) you never get used to seeing it, or becoming familiar with it and the naturalness of how that takes place in a relationship. Most important, the safety net you have underneath that... aka he still loves you. And that keeps you living in the past, cuz you’re living in a protective bubble (not real time) so can’t heal. It’s keeping your fear alive, cuz he makes sure he never gets angry. And you can’t begin to separate unhealthy anger from a healthy expression of anger, which is used to help communicate and get rid of a false sense of being and/or miscommunication, misunderstanding, expectations, boundaries crossed (or not crossed) Like, he’s waited FIVE months to have you and you still haven’t given in!! Kudos Girl!
It’s your body... your TIMETABLE.
But without meaning to, your guy has kept you locked in fear cuz he underestimated his love for you, the strength of it and THAT has to do with his issues (being good enough... to have someone like you). He doesn’t feel confident that he’d be accepted showing all his sides and fails to see that by being authentic he’d actually give YOU a ‘new reality’ about anger, as well as a new reality about his misconceptions of himself. So uplifting BOTH of YOU to a healthy state of expressing yourself and since you’re no longer scared of anger you’d welcome it (in real time) between you two... cushioned by your love for each other. And would learn and feel entitled to release yours as well. Which until this point, you’re too scared to show... your true self. THAT’S scary. The other tricky thing about deceiving yourself, even though the other person loves you, cuz you’re not ACTUALLY being yourself (for real) you’re doing something cuz you’re too scared NOT to do it, cuz you think they’ll leave, cuz you feel bad about certain aspects of yourself... THEY will eventually feel like you’re keeping something from them. Only again, if their sense of self is bruised they’ll see it as against them and expect the WORST. Like, you hiding something and they can’t TRUST you. So that’ll play out ‘in their mind’ as... maybe you cheated on them, are flirting OR you’ll leave at some point (when you see someone with a better body, more money, whatever). Or maybe... THEY shouldn’t really be with you cuz somewhere it feels off (like, there’s mistrust) they don’t feel completely connected. So maybe, they’ll be like, “K, so their not the one. Hmmm...I thought they were.”
They’ll doubt it...
And they’ll think that... cuz they’re picking up that vibe from YOU. And vibes don’t SPEAK English. They don’t explain, just send the feeling. That something’s hidden... something’s off, ‘bout how you’re being. In this way, deception always breeds more deception. And it’s not about you telling THEM your deepest darkest secret. Just blurting it out like that! It is however... about YOU being at peace with an experience (an element of yourself) NOT feel blamed, cuz that’ll play out as the sabotage CARD (once they make it known they want YOU, for real). Or the joker card... Where more and more trickery is needed to KEEP the disguise in place—not the HEART card you were looking for.
So here’s the fun part!
As human beings YOU forget that when you met the person you’re with, you did nothing to attract them except... be yourself. THAT was the magic! The fuck up begins when you erroneously think you need to do shit to hang on to them, keep them. It changes the polarity of things, the attraction (fo shur) and mostly the dynamics get super twisted. As in once a girl and guy finally hook up the girl’s trying to CHANGE the guy and the guy is praying she’ll never CHANGE. Let’s talk mind fields! LOL
They’re DEEP, undetected (usually) until they BLOW... Explosive and LIFE shattering (as well as altering) especially when your heart’s gotten so many holes in it you don’t recognize it anymore, or your ego is SO deflated and flat, it just doesn’t function. Or your mind’s like chewing gum... stretched beyond its capacity of EVERRR understanding why they do the shit they do. There’s a LOT of work both in the aftermath (making discovering triggers between you such a God-sent) AND the after debris, fragments of scorched pieces all over the pace, desperate need for some rest and healing. So where’s the FUN part? It’s coming, like all good things... takes its time coming. Stay with me... lol
If as a girl you worked HARD to win a guy over. A fool... is what you’ll be feeling at this point (while fighting). And if you GOT brainwashed into thinking, you need to DO work to get a guy it’s totally expected... if you worked in the beginning you’d have to KEEP working to keep him. That’s a whole other blog. lol If you dude, worked hard to get a girl in terms of pretending to BE what you’re not, then that facade is gonna take more and more out of you (as time goes by). Regardless whatever reason... YOU two hooked up. Whether it came at a time when you were sad and over a break up, or just not looking and totally unexpected (yet pre-ordered long time ago) only you thought your fairy goddess wasn’t listening and—BOOM!! Out of no where he APPEARS!! She WALKS right to you!! And they’re exactly the way you wanted them to be, with all the many listed traits. All that doesn’t matter, what matters, is that the gift of a FIGHT be received, unwrapped (hopefully without splinters or paper cuts) and the present of that be OPENED...?
Without him, her... you can’t get it.
So every relationship is valuable and yes, that does include the douche bag and skank that left you broken hearted and/or super pissed, only cuz you didn’t understand (yet) that piece of SHIT acted as fertilizer and something great materialized... YOU! Much more defined ‘bout what you WANT or don’t want. YOU... knowing you WON’T be giving till you’re spent. YOU... knowing you can trust your gut, only you just suffered in the process cuz you couldn’t get passed the smell (sorta speak).
The first thing that happens in a FIGHT is... each feels ripped off and each wants to be HEARD... first. If you’re a girl and have a guy that cherishes your feelings, so puts it ahead of his (warrior like trait, if I ever saw one) you’re precious to him. And you respect his mind, ahead of yours (an enchantress type gesture if I ever saw one) highest state of being a girl. And I’ll get into TALKING about that in a bit, so you don’t think it means, do anything he says. LMFAO But only then, WILL your guy feel confident (and not threatened) to hear you... first. Cuz he’s sound, cuz he’s whole and not in need to desperately defend him self (like an emotional guy would) cuz he feels respected SO sits high on his throne. He sits strong. Your love bullets do not make him bleed, they do not wound him... Just offer clarification as to where you’re leaking (feeling unsupported, unvalued) scared for the safety of your love... (with him). He is secure enough to hear what you have to say and see it through your eyes. He does not give way to imagined threats to his being. It actually sets the bar high for HIM. And this way he can be Right and you can be HAPPY. And that... is something your body will RESPOND to, not being right but feeling happy allll over. Nipples erect as speaking. Kinda a tail sign (for us) EXCEPT when it’s cold! Like, why do you guys always think our nipples’ hard... means we want you? Noooo. It means we’re moved somehow (inside) or we’re cold or training (pushing REALLY heavy weights) and LAST but not least...
We want YOU.
OMG! I had this earth experience once where I was training in the gym with this guy. I’m doin’ lunges and he’s like, “WHY are your nipples hard?” I’m like, “Uh.... WTF?” Like... How scientific of him, he wants to be a dentist but has ZERO concept of how a female’s body works! They should design a class about that! I’d totally teach YOU. That’s so hilarious, cuz he was totally serious. Moving right along, leaving nipples behind.
A girl... like the one I’ve just described who knows her power lies in her feelings, will always steer her guy towards her comfort zone. Cuz she knows, as he makes up his mind about anything he’ll always (naturally) check in with her feelings, first. So she knows she can always TRUST him... his decision. It filters through her. And she also knows, that he knows the sooner they get through this the sooner he’ll return to his state of bliss and blowjobs. 😀 True. Logical.... Yes?!
SO... if every fight YOU ever had you knew and they knew was solely about the fear for the SAFETY of your love (you’re scared it’s in jeopardy) BOTH of you would recognize (quite quickly) that each is wanting to maintain that. So instead of it escalating... to YOU against them (each of you on your little tiny island trying to stay afloat) with the mentality that, in order for you to stay on solid ground, you need to knock them OFF by winning (the fight, argument, accusation) then you’re SAFE. No... Then you’re alone, cuz you feel separated, cuz you’re not on common ground, you’re... disconnected. Cuz they just took a fall... (are hurting). It’s always ABOUT the safety of your love. Is it safe for YOU to love? Humans often forget that. And cuz you don’t recognize it, this (fight) is happening, so both of you can see where things need more give, are not secured enough (snug) or without a sound floor PLAN. So walking is literally, on shaky ground. We’re talking MAJOR eggshells. Cuz someone (or both) were too afraid to appear a certain way... or went too fast, so are back peddling—having severe cramps and now impaired. So feeling stuck (fucked) very confused, don’t know which way to go.
Keep in mind girl...
If you talk about how you feel and your vulnerability is plainly OUT there for him to see, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak, it MEANS you have no issues whatsoever showing yourself naked (emotionally speaking). And THAT’S powerful, cuz no guy can ignore a naked girl... in any aspect. And do you notice, nakedness doesn’t require a lot of talking to get someone’s attention.
Stillness... is very powerful twofold.
1) The shock of you NOT firing back, so throws him off his war-path, cuz you’re staring at him and he feels like he’s standing in a field of daises.
2) When a guy’s spewing out his pain and his cannon balls keep coming? If YOU just look at him... each one of those cannon balls have to return (the recognition of it, inappropriateness of it) his own realization that it was just TOO MUCH manpower, totally unnecessary. Which puts him in receiving mode (not action mode). Cuz every time you blast him for something, he’s too busy defending himself from those hits to ACTUALLY take notice of your pain—his arms are up high blocking his heart... he HAS to fire back and then all his lost. It becomes about the FIGHT... not the actual cause (your love for each other). And it isn’t about fakin’ it and just crying, a smart guy can tell and it’ll come off as ‘needy’ or he just won’t be pulled. Remember being vulnerable (both) for guys and girls will always require one very important component...
There’s always a struggle element present.
When a guy says I love you for the first time, it’s hard. When, especially an independent girl who’s used to toughing it out, all of a sudden turns soft and vulnerable? There’s nothing more alluring and captivating than that. As in... You’ve CAPTURED him... his softest spot. Even if it’s real easy for those girls who are already in touch with their feelings and cry effortlessly (are sensitive) it’ll be difficult (if it’s genuine) to say the truth. It always is.
YOU girls that wait far too long to voice your discomfort and BLOW UP!! As mentioned, that will block your progress. It’s lot for a guy to tolerate and works against YOU. Cuz when a guy feels cornered trapped and especially blamed, he doesn’t like to feel all that PAIN. So again... if you’re in war-mode that’s his turf. KILL OR BE KILLED is the motto that lives there. The tougher you ARE the HARDER he’ll be pushed to BE. And if you succeed in making him feel like shit you’ll win the FIGHT—LOSE him. Not cuz he’ll walk, but you’ll realize... YOU can’t look up to him anymore. He’ll seem less to you somehow. Why? Cuz you can’t defeat a guy and look up to him... (truly). And if you can’t look up to your man YOU don’t really trust him.
So why’s he around?
Inspiring a guy to see your point of view by telling him how YOU feel, leaves the threatening part out of the equation. And it’s not about him feeling you’re smarter. It’s about YOU not having someone you can expand with. Grow, bring YOU to higher ground. Make you BETTER some how (on some level) cuz he challenges your perception of self, inspires you to try things you NEVER thought you could do, develops a way to you... you can TRUST again. A guy contributing to YOUR life is huge... it leaves you satisfied. So THAT if he does mess up or he’s going through a learning curve, hasn’t gained yet his telepathic certification in ‘mind-reading’ or your body cues... it just buffers it. When you feel a guy (or he feels, especially) that he’s below you—not even equal but below? NOT a good place for him to hang out in...
And honestly, battling with a guy’s mind as to who’s right and whose wrong... No one knows that! It’s very involved and eventually can be traced back to something that happened that made him respond this way and made you respond that way.
THAT merry go round never ends.
Cuz it can go allll the way back to something his mom taught him, something he witnessed, so he got triggered—which doesn’t make it pleasant or justified that you were wronged, it just doesn’t solely sit on his shoulders. This is why right and wrong is always a perspective in relationships that fails to DELIVER the message intended of the discomfort and/or conflict... GIFT So... rarely brings a great “Ohhhhh....” FEELING. Like, “That so needed to happen.” 😀
For instance, you girl could receive extra attention and you’re boyfriend (and this is typical) can blame you for flirting with someone, in order for you to get extra attention. But honesty, he needs to ask (and this is the gifted part of a union) ASK... Like! Really ask if this situation happening, is it cuz there’s a lack somewhere? Like... Where’s the MOFO? Come out! Come out! I wanna squish YOU. In this scenario he could say (if highly evolved). “I must not be giving her enough affection. I do work a lot and even though she’s never complained cuz we’re saving for a house, on a vibrational level she’s calling for it... affection (attention) cuz she’s lacking... there.
Hunger calls for FOOD... always.
This does NOT however mean that if he’s fucked on you, she’s cheated on YOU that you’re like, “Hmmm...K I guess they needed to do that cuz our sex is not that exciting (dull) no time or whatever. THAT... means one thing and one thing only. There’s no internal connection current ‘live’ running through this person with YOU... its dead. It’s injured. It’s disintegrated. It’s been torn... cut off.
I find it SO strange that you humans take something that major, in terms of severance (your person entering ANOTHER person’s energy field, which now tampers and alters his energy somehow) and try to band aid it with semi-logical reasoning or manipulation, which changes NOTHING. It’s not the SAME. Every choice you make is your EVALUATION of yourself. And since it’s off, cuz you’re not in harmony with it (just reasoned it to be) you’re sending off a message to the world to adjust what’s coming to YOU. As in... Not what YOU deserve.
The biggest ISSUE with having an epiphany out of the conflict (fight) is that you’re usually scared of talking about what you’re pissed off about (insecure) as it HAPPENS... so that ample neutrality is preserved (not colored with it being suppressed, stifled and all around FUCKEN uncomfortable) which actually comes out like a FART. Highly toxic gross and ugly (and or cute) depending on the angle it’s fired off in. LOL At times you may think you actually NEED a physic surgeon to cauterize the infected part of your relationship. I mean, it’s really hard to see. But it does shows up... in resistance. Like YOU feeling bitterness, anger, tiredness, exhaustion, drained AF. They are all resistance. And that shows up to show YOU that your self is NOT in sync with your energy, your natural flow of energy which is being HAPPY. And one way or another, it’ll steer YOU to doing something that makes you happy cuz that’s your natural state (so hellllo cheating, affairs or breaking up). Fearing to speak up due to other fears... like, who’ll want me if I leave them, they’ve loved me foreverrr, I’m this, I don’t have that etc. KEEPS YOU in a stagnant energy mode with that person.
So you don’t voice your thoughts and feelings you just keep burying ‘em, and carrying secrets weigh you down, man (A LOT). It takes a lot to hold that shit down and cuz you feel you might be transparent and they might suspect (how you truly feel) you over compensate or under compensate as a way to NOT make it obvious. But anything that is not natural will attract attention, cuz it’s not natural, so that never works. Everything you try to DO to not make them find out is actually a bullhorn SCREAMING...“Right here! Right HERE. Yo! I’m messing UP. But it’s best I don’t tell YOU right now.” when actually SO much CAN be AVOIDED if you speak about it. Key thing to remember from the get go!
Keep it authentic... REAL
Here’s what that actually means.
Speak... as things happen and remember to observe the things you’re guy or girl is saying as separate, from who you ARE. Learning how to perfectly handle each other in a union is the greatest gift YOU can give to yourself, cuz to achieve that level of safety (to freely be who YOU are) means... all fears, fucked up scenarios, shame, guilt and bad shit that was done or taught (or witnessed) that threw off who you believed yourself to BE... will all now (one by one) have its funeral.
Amen to that!
That was there to complete a cycle. A teaching, a tool... to carve a deeper place for both of you to dwell in IF... You recognize that a fight, especially if you don’t play cowboys and Indians—TRY and kill each other with name calling (things you know they have problems with, suffer with, are scared to let anyone else know) and remember somewhere inside you... YOU are calling for this. To make you aware perhaps, that you’re used to being a doormat (SO they make you speak up) used to sacrificing all your time in order to secure a person (SO they make you see you’re entitled to give to yourself and you wont LOSE them) used to thinking making yourself beautiful is so vain and waste of time (SO they make you speak up when you see ‘em looking at someone else dolled up) understanding now you have a right to beautify yourself. Give YOURSELF that attention.
There are so many freedom locks opened, when you appreciate every union for the gift it brings to making you COMPLETE. Building a part of you that was chipped OFF. And if, there’s a break up cuz there’s no feeling left, so don’t want to stay, understand the only sadness you’ll be feeling is one of passing through old portals. Cuz if I was to take your hand... FLY you to the exact destination where YOU meet the guy you’re actually going to marry. Take YOU dude and place your ass right in front of the path where the girl of your DREAMS is about to show. There’d be no sadness... just eagerness and lusciously waiting it out period—cuz you gotta like PREPARE!!!
IF only the truth is spoken (cuz you NEED to tell them, it hurts to hold it in) no matter how scary it is to tell them (the issue) if both of you look at it (as witnesses to dissect it) NOT attack each other which loses the whole point and then makes it SO hard to find cuz you’re now on all kinds of tangents (what she did to you last week, what you did to her on your 2nd date etc.) you will instantly SEE... that this fight merely gives you a closer peak inside THEIR secret chamber. So that they CAN be understood (without judgement) so that they CAN be free to change (without expectation) so that they have no self imposed restrictions on how MUCH they can love YOU. And so that YOU... can safely let go of alllll the misconceptions you HAD about yourself.
This is your Fairy Goddess sayin’ I know it’s a lot to take in... But it’s cool. You’re body’s designed to take in...
For MORE... get the Book.