Why do I always pick the same type of Guy… Girl?

In Blogs, Relationships by NicholeLeave a Comment


Why do humans challenge themselves in a relationship, put up with SHIT?

Definitely worthy of our attention cuz it makes NO DAMN SENSE!! Not to me, anyway. But I do have an unusual advantage, since I’m floating up here ABOVE your planet seeing things for what they are... not what they appear to be.

So I had this earth experience with this guy ‘friend’ (definitely not fuck buddy). And WHAT is that anyway? Like, I can understand if you were mammals in the wild you’d have sex then join their clan in return they’d offer protection, shelter, food. What do you get here... a MATTRESS? No... grazing in the fields under the stars, no howling together... rolling in the sand, strength in numbers (in case you get bullied). They should call it debt buddies! Cuz YOU keep falling more and more into debt (not gain) trust me on this one. One day they’re gonna come to collect only you won’t wanna pay no more. And you know collections. They DON’T let you go. You can’t hide from them, they’ll find you!

So this guy’s talking about his relationship he’s like, “Nichole, I just don’t know about her anymore... but I don’t wanna quit”. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not a sport. Why are you focused on defeat instead of gratefulness? Cuz if you took that weight off your head... You’d feel a sense of entitlement cuz you wouldn’t feel heavy. And if you didn’t have ‘impending defeat’ sitting there in the back of your mind (taking notes) you’d see that sometimes, the relationship just needs AIR... to breathe, so that it falls back aligned properly. There were too many burps, farts and other toxic exchanges that upset the balance.” Honestly... It’s hilarious that you TALK your relationship to death then wonder why it’s TIRED. (Drained AF) Go have FUN! Leave it alone so it can find its way to YOU. It’ll let you know if it still needs an adjustment (any unevenness in the relationship that needs to be leveled) stretch... each of you more relaxed, so can bend easily and see each other’s point of view. Most of the time though, the only reason there’s anger, is not for the potential loss of the relationship or someone feeling like they got ripped off, but for the erroneous thought that the WORLD’S run out of people—and you won’t find anyone ELSE!

But really, if life took you around the corner to take a peak and see whose waiting there (just in case) it doesn’t work... YOU wouldn’t freak so much. YOU wouldn’t try to MAKE ‘em see your point (a hundred times a day) make ‘em feel BAD. Extend the whole ordeal... KEEP reminding them, cuz you think that means you got a hold on them. (Not really) The ordeal’s got a HOLD on YOU. (Sadly) Cuz you don’t feel entitled to a happy feeling or happy ending, cuz being angry makes you feel in control of organizing WHAT... exactly happens. Cuz again, you don’t feel you deserve NOT to be fighting with someone. If you left it up to chance or Fate they’d most likely put you where there’s ease and peace. And that’s just way out of your comfort zone. That’s why surrendering... is talked about all over the planet cuz surrendering trying to win, allows a happy, safe feeling to emerge inside YOU. And when that opens up, it brings the gift of insight and other truths with it. And when the truth is actually spoken... it’s highly receptive to the other person cuz truth leads to an enlightened feeling. There’s this instantaneous light feeling to it (as in no burden anymore). No threat. All the illumination of what was buried is safe to stick its head out. And even if it’s ugly, no baby can be called... ugly its new life, to the relationship. 

So back to my guy friend...

If you’re hurting, it means that you’re competing against yourself (with the inside of you being opposed to how you are right now) so there’s discord, which comes across as pain, (disappointment, anxiety, irritability) cuz the inside of you has a natural state of joy... we talked about how we know that to be true on our last blog. If you wanna read that go to Finding... the Magic or our podcast on the radio page. So, if your inner spark of joy is rubbed the wrong way in this game of love it tells me you were playing to win (status, popularity, safe feeling, upgrade to more friends) NOT for the sake of playing, the value of that... Appreciating it so feeling fulfilled with what you learned, and if a fact... recognizing the completion of a season (feeling grateful for the opportunity to PLAY). Cuz honestly, when someone talks about their guy or girl and they look SO tired, there’s no beat in their voice its all monotone... I dunno is their heart even pumping? It tells me that, that relationship is not refreshing them and definitely not reviving them... cuz that’s what LOVE does. It’s infused with a thing called; MAGIC...

Which means you’re always free to receive the love that is out of this WORLD

If... YOU don’t take any shortcuts. Like playing but NOT learning it’s supposed to be fun even if you trip and fall... YOU finish the game, you don’t run away. Which doesn’t mean you suffer, it means you reach for the HIGH ground, where there’s clarity (up your game). You’ll know you did cuz everything feels better instantly, for both of you.

Cuz AUTHENTICITY played its hand.

Even though this guy who didn’t wanna give up had a sport’s mentality —he missed the whole point. Cuz obviously it wasn’t about the love of the game (how in sync they were as a team) each striving for the same goal, it was about... his single-mindedness of that game. So, more like him playing a video game not wanting to quit before he got all his points. Yeah... Talk about scoring! LOL So here’s what got LOST in the game.

The whole point of playing with each other is just that... it’s PLAYING (light feel, not heavy  feel) and it’s fun. It’s like, “I CAN’T wait to play...” and the whole world’s your sandbox. And that means, once it’s finished (whether you play again or not) a good thorough - spent feeling about the efforts of the game (all that was learned) what worked, didn’t work. Who called FOUL was it fair, techniques exchanged, learning each other’s ways all enhanced the game. And of course the appreciation of getting a chance to play, cuz you learn... each time.

But when you’re focused on you feeling defeated (if you give up) it’s purely OFF the union (as in, two people at play here) so the loss is two fold. One; you’re disconnected from them which makes you feel guilty, so you play (like a stand in) not fully into the game (or reconnected) but just keeping the separation in tact while appearing like you’re hanging in there (trying). And that’s just tiring. And two; Cuz guys and especially girls TODAY are very ambitious and athletic and that competitive energy spills over to a romantic... BOOTCAMP! Can you see how those two words don’t even belong together (they’re two opposing energies)? And now the focus is on, “How will I see myself if I QUIT (didn’t put in enough time, didn’t come back for enough hits to prove that I can take it).” Everything is sooo skewed here on earth. WTH? So now, there’s all these youtube videos (I’m appalled to say) that’s like... “Oh... Let’s not call them problems. LET’S call them challenges. We can handle challenges, right? We can take it. Let’s hang in there through the bitterness. Sweetness... produces sweetness, only if the bitterness is seen as medicinal and healing... in the fact that NO ONE has to snuff their feeling for the sake of the relationship, it will end in sweetness.

Otherwise... someone has to back down (eat their bad feelings) cuz it’s all about compromising! (No it’s NOT) It’s give and take. I give... you take. Good LUCK keeping score with that one. Then the next relationship cuz of the whiplash of the previous one, you make up your mind to NEVER give... just take. Attracting someone who’ll just give and cuz of that person’s last experience who now believes GIVING (sacrificing their feelings, wants, desires) IS the only way to hang onto a relationship. So rinse cycle keeps turning on and off... ON and off, but nothing gets washed! There’s no nice n’ fluffy going on. No end cycle as in... YOU attracting that relationship that’s nice and breezy, cuz it just feels so fresh and wholesome... so good. You feel all warm and fuzzy inside whenever they do something for you. Safe and complete... cuz you FINISHED the cycle! There were no stains left over... it got washed.

Here’s the important PART.

If you don’t fully reconnect after a fight, in all fairness and appreciation of it (okay with it finishing) in good spirits, those bad spirits will hover over you clouding your perception and attitude of your new person, cuz you didn’t take OUT your frustrations. You didn’t see the truth... and value of what happened, cuz you failed to gain. And although a lot of energy was SPENT it would have been fulfilling cuz of everything you learned... about them, you, the ART of the game.

Instead, you turned your back on each other (left) missed the mark! So feel like there’s a LOSS (time, money, affection, emotion) you didn’t MASTER the game... Finish it. Cycle didn’t END (you’re still soiled with ill feelings) cuz someone pulled the plug... and took off. Now you have this gross lingering smell about you. You don’t feel fresh, you feel used up (a LOSER). The residue of all that emotion is what’s keeping you feeling heavy. And now you’re gonna feel like you need a QUICK rinse!         

So the next relationship is not gonna be done right. There’s gonna be steps missing. Like the right amount of detergent. You just pour the whole damn thing in instead of measuring it out. So saturated... wasteful, works against you and you STILL don’t feel clean cuz now there’s soap scum. Fabric softener... is completely omitted (so harsh with words) each other, cuz everything’s done in haste (desperation). And most important, the wash wasn’t separated carefully so it’s clear what’s what (you like this, they don’t like that) so no colors run... n’ bleed (always painful to watch) fade... ruin the whole thing. YOU wanna feel light and dry but are gonna find yourself in a situation where you need to get rinsed fast—cuz you weren’t DONE cuz you have a stench about you. Even if it’s subtle, you’ll be afraid they’ll smell it eventually.

But hey! You’ll point out their stench. So the unwashed baggage continues. And although it’s a new person the same issues exist (cuz you both stink) in different ways. Which is why you’re set on REPEAT time and time again, of course at this point some of you just feel so ragged, (frayed at the edges) dull, tears all over the place. I don’t blame you. Water as gentle as it is... even the softest rain eventually will erode a MOUNTAIN.

Humans can learn from water... if they use it to their advantage.

Even in its gentlest form water will and CAN erode the most stubborn stain (fucked up attitude, disposition, sabotage conditioning) if you remember, as my mama fairy goddess used to say;  Do EVERYTHING... with patience and love. You could argue and say, “But I told my ex it was over in a nice way.” Maybe true, but you didn’t see the BEST in them (you just wanted to get the hell out). You didn’t see the gift of the game... for you. You didn’t see the GAIN... them coming into your life. So the next one’s the same (but different). Just all wrong...  

Funny, how humans do the opposite of what they want. Say the opposite of what they mean like, “YOU deserve better. And they also say things like, “I’m doing this for your own good.” Given what they’re doing YOU really don’t want them to do this statement is flowing in two opposite directions (never really joining) so no secure outcome, cuz that’ll introduce resistance at some point. And any time you have that things just fuck up, cuz of the friction. And with that type of mentality you think you’re going the right way but you’re not, cuz you’re in a flux (a crazy-ass maze, really). So your thoughts about yourself are in a flux too... HIGHLY confusing. So there’s this huge DOUBT which is so strange... Cuz every human has faith built inside them, which direction they choose to put it in is there CHOICE. Even if you’re like, “I don’t have faith in anything.” It’s not that you don’t have faith it’s that you have faith in nothing. When YOU give power to an illusion... its does not lack in power cuz you believe yourself to be powerless. So you’re faithless to yourself but strong in faith to your illusions.

So we got severe misplacement going on. Thinking something means something against you. We got projection going on. Screaming at someone when in fact you’re really screaming at someone in your PAST (that’s not in front of you) but the present person triggered a similar situation. And we GOT expecting the worse, complete faithlessness in yourself but faith in the illusion... that life SUCKS, which it CAN’T. It’s built to expand, not collapse. That’s why everywhere you look there’s CREATION.

Reproduction a hundred fold. LOL

The internal fight you have is cuz you feel you failed, which is always tied to a competition to win something with... or from that person. It’s all tied to FATE and Worth. You see, where Fate hangs out Worth is there with ‘em (all the time). There like, a couple! There’s no separating them. If Worth leaves... Fate’s nowhere to be found. So how do we party with ‘em? By knowing the clear distinction of us deciding AND the universe stepping up to bat (carrying our sorry ass) cuz maybe we’re too tired or wounded SO letting it make the first move. Being in a safe cocoon until that happens, which means we’re in a receiving state feeling peaceful, cuz we’re not conflicted (which blocks any assistance and good shit coming in). And how do we actually know when we’re letting the universe DECIDE?

By paying attention to how we’re constantly feeling...

Pain... indicates we’re not letting it decide. So we need to DO something that puts us in a happy state of mind and back the fuck OFF. Also... By acknowledging that this game we’ve played REALLY served us, so we can feel inside the next one will TOO! On a much more insightful level cuz there’s no resistance on our part. Always keep in MIND...

YOU will never see YOURSELF as worthy as GOD sees you... Jesus sees you, the Universe sees you, Mohammed or whoever else is powerful and mighty to you. Decide for yourself and you’ll deceive yourself (about what you deserve). Let the Universe.... FATE decide and you can’t fuck up even if you tried—it’s too exact. And if you never have to work for something, cuz life  sets it up YOU can get accustomed to that ease and peace (in promise) JOY... If you remember,  it’s not about playing the game it’s about the ART of the game... accumulating VALUE. So you’re not left empty handed. So you’re not going after a replica... a fake, but the original that was specifically made for you (long ago).

If there’s something weighing you down or really pressing seriously, and you want me to discuss it, reach out to me at on our contact page. I’d love to hear from you! Stay authentic to yourself and know truly... YOU are always SAFE (even if you don’t feel like you are) very soon you’ll see my heart was watching YOU.

The Wisdom of the Penis - S.O.S. Manual

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