K…. When your girlfriend is MAD
No. 1 Etch this in your skull.
When a girl’s pissed—DON’T TOUCH HER!! Cuz she’s like a volcano with BOOBS (a.k.a about to explode) so unless you wanna nub for a wrist—don’t touch her! And that means, shoulder, low back, knee or face (definitely not her boobs) those are our sweet spots. It’s gonna make us feel like you wanna have SEX and take from us.
No. 2 Do NOT under any circumstance say the ‘R’ word – RELAX.
Cuz we CAN’T relax at this point.That’s like tellin’ boiling water to calm down. Dummb. And don’t say CALM DOWN either that’s just as bad (sometimes worse). What you need to do right now is say; “K. TELL ME what happened.” Not… What’s WRONG? Sometimes it runs in like a hundred things ALL AT ONCE and we can’t pinpoint it. And we don’t exactly want to regurgitate the actual thing that went wrong, we want to lead up to it, give it in ORDER (that helps us actually calm down cuz we’re trying to see it CLEARLY) so that helps. Direct our pain OUT by giving it an exit… Like, say…What happened? And once you ask us, just stand there—LISTEN. Don’t talk… cuz we’re in the spewing phase—you’ll mess up our flow and we’ll have to start alllll over. Annoying… and totally unnecessary. Honestly, we can’t even hear you right now. It’s all being re-played so it’s VIVID.
When we stop (and it will happen, promise) even if it’s just to cry, take gulps or catch our breath (cuz we’re reeeally trying to recount every singlefiber of detail for you) at that point you say, “What ELSE? What else… is bothering you (or pissing you off)?” Repeat this, until we’ve run out of things to say. If you haven’t done this in a while (or EVER) it is gonna take some time. Until we’ve literally run out of things to SAY. And that can include, cuz it’s all rolled up in one (for us) things from 2 weeks ago/2 months ago/2 years ago).
To understand this method and why it works you’d need first to understand your GIRL…
When she’s in pain she’s doing one of two things. RE-PLAYING the scene over and over again, that hurts like a mother… or telling herself verballyin her mind, what it means to her… the meaning she’s attached to it (not necessarily what it MEANS). So she’s drowning in her abyss of shit right now, and the only thing she can do to stay afloat, climb out, tread… so she doesn’t SINK is talk about it. It’s her RELEASE. Kinda like, when you release through your dick—same thing. Only we’re TALKING creatures so that’s how we release. So… don’t say things like,
“Do you wanna have sex, you’ll feel better.”
Cuz that’s how YOU feel better. LOL You’re stressed… you have sex, you feel calmer. You’re tired… you have sex, you feel refreshed! You’re bored you have sex, you feel invigorated. Lmao
The important thing to understand is we’re estrogen based. That’s a FEELING hormone, which means we feel evvverything all day long (even things that don’t no sense, we feel). It doesn’t even have to belong to us, we pick it up from our best friend (sibling, stranger) and think it’s coming from us. That’s why you can talk to your girlfriend first thing in the morning, she’s so bubbly and sweet, can’t wait to hook up later. Then she bumps into her BFF, hears about her boyfriend cheating on her, basically has been using her. She takes on THAT feeling (as if it’s hers) few hours later she’s jogging listening to her ipod, it’s talking about statistics of relationships today, how slim the chances are of finding the ‘one’ cuz most guys are just waiting to FUCK you.
Actually YOU just want to weed out all the skanks first.
So now she’s so irked she’s thinking about asking for some space (from you). She heads over to work, sees this guy ride his bicycle so FAST he knocks over this old lady and laughs—NOW… all guys are DICKS!! You call her shortly after she’s like, “WHAT?!!” You’re like… Whaaahappened? That’s why when you give us the time and attention to TALK right away (uninterrupted) we feel immediate RELIEF.And if it happens to be YOU… we’re pissed about, it’s not about giving us SPACE to get over why we’re mad at YOU—that only makes things worse. A lazy man’s way to make it look like he cares (not effective). We need to talk about it right AWAY.
Whenever we’re really upset, those thoughts in our head (what we’re hearing) are attached to emotional WEIGHT. It’s not that we acknowledge SHIT intellectually like you do (rate it in terms of important/a waste of time) logically get clear on where it’s fucked… we FEEEEEEL it (cuz we’re a feeling-based creation). And until we can verbally (in great detail) take it OUT, it’s sooo heavy to carry all day long. Like, as if YOU were carrying a 10lb plate with a chain around your neck. Heavy… Bothersome? That’s us!!! Till we talk…. to someone who CARES.
So it’s a real good idea to check in with your girl several times a day, cuz if she’s in Shitsville, YOU can bring her back to the real world. Back to real time… with your FOCUS. That’s the gift of love… takes you out of your past (present shit) as well as any fear of the future cuz it puts you in this safety bubble so you can percolate… your dreams, aspirations, hopes into REALITY… continued ‘in detail’ in the BOOK. The Wisdom of the Penis – SOS Manual