Being a teen can be challenging as well as exhilarating.
The exhilarating part… YOU don’t see it till you’re older. LOL (Then it’s too late) When it comes to a love it’s obvious—it’s the one thing that’ll make you happy… until there’s a relationship ISSUE. Surviving someone cheating on you can be such a BITCH. Questions like, ‘Should I leave, break up with them?’ flood your mind. For immediate relief, repeat quite frequently… “I don’t have to figure this out right now.” Chill… nap, work out. And know all is NOT what it seems.
These relationship issues that happen (from time to time) gather momentum till you’re like, “Holy CRAP! I can’t take it!!!” They’re to serve you, make you two CLOSER (than ever). There’s another reason issues COME UP.
An opportunity for guilt to make you its BITCH LOL
How DO YOU deal with that?
Having a hawk’s eye view of the situation and seeing it from its TRUE perspective, will instantly free YOU. You can let go of the inevitable… “HOW do I break up with someone I love? Will I ever find someone like HIM…HER? Am I a loser if I take them back?” The TRUTH… is not a painful thing, it’s an awakening though (for sure). And when it’s the truth at the core—not only is it LIBERATING, but peaceful and happy. Sometimes in a committed relationship there’s a lot of LABELS we slap on our loved one and fail to get to the root cause (real issue) so the thorn’s… STILL in. Cuz once you take out that mother fucker… no more pain. Like, right away! Relief… Healing.
Love tips are rampant in today’s world they’re all over the net. Like, make him want you, flirting tips, how to get them back, how to make them want you, make them jealous, fear of closeness, how to kiss a girl, what turns a guy on, but they’re allllll MISSING one very important component. Getting us plugged into our own guidance system, so we actually have access to all these questions cuz believe me, it’s there!
Relationship questions come frequent in a serious relationship due to the size of investment we’re putting in… in the first place. So we’re getting answers, only we’re not asking the right questions.
So we continue to suffer.
In Part 1
We wrote about a scenario where a guy (though very hardworking) was working against himself (without knowing it) and in turn against his girlfriend… So much so, SHE was sorely in need of relationship advice not in tuned to the situation or herself. Guys have a hard time seeing their girl CRY. The last thing this couple wanted was… to break up. L Cuz that would mean they’d have to face the three MOST dreaded fears… with couples.
- How to get over a break up.
- How to get over a broken heart.
- How to get over an ex.
Case Study Continued:
For this guy, inside… something (fear) was pushing him away from what he actually wanted (to get ahead) cuz in his mind that would mean that his girlfriend would no longer be in his life. He equated success with loss cuz he didn’t believe he could have BOTH.
In order to get I would need to give up… was his thought system.
As ridiculous as it seems, when your fear is buried (DEEP) you don’t even know it’s there, but it’s real. His girlfriend couldn’t understand why he was having such bad luck with jobs. Everything kept getting fucked up for him. He’d be OFFERED a job… then nothing. She was CONFUSED. Hurt… torn. She saw her and her boyfriend as two ambitious people and although she was willing to be supportive, things changed when her life was affected emotionally. He just wanted to work hard, prove he was capable. He worked till he was exhausted, cuz subconsciously he didn’t want to (conflicted). The tons of work hours he was doing was necessary to prove to him that he DID want it. He also started being very careful how he answered his girlfriend (not to upset her) since she was on edge a lot. She sensed his fear (apprehension/hesitation) it made her feel like he had no backbone, no BALLS… She lost respect for him, which only evoked harsher treatment (from her).
Like a dog who smells fear, that fear triggers BITCHINESS. LOL
As with any animal that smells blood… it triggers an attack. It’s one of those invisible things. Since he was deceiving himself and her (unknowingly) not really wanting to get ahead cuz he thought he’d lose her, she felt a deception… but couldn’t pinpoint where (no longer trusted his love). She questioned him, cuz of the extra careful treatment he gave her. Like, did he do something WRONG? She thought he cheated on her. Cuz he was being extra nice allll the time and careful, it wasn’t natural. Little did she know, he was being that way cuz inside (unknowingly to himself) he felt guilty. She no longer trusted this union.
It’s easy to spin out of control (as a girl) if your inner radar is broken (never tapped into) or un-activated. Since her father was never around, she HAD trust issues. When her father was around she fought hard (good grades/awards) to TRY and get his attention, already having a hard time believing that a guy would actually want her… (for keeps). Even though she was hot and knew it, deep down that doubt was her trigger. And now she believed that it was her ultimate success he was after… NOT her. An opportunist, that’s what he is! She was adamant about not carrying a guy since secretly she resented her father’s absence. She wasn’t going to do a THING… for a guy (to make it easier for him). He freaks out! And in turn lashes out (he had been so patient with her reactions) he lets her know that he can’t be in a serious relationship with someone paranoid of himtaking from her. It crushed her…
People will usually accuse YOU of something they’re already accustomed to doing (familiar) or they wouldn’t really be able to recognize it as such, they would be ore neutral about it. Although she may have had, a sense of fear people using her it was HE who felt that after alllll the hard work he was going to do for them (their future, her) she would LEAVE. He was the one that was paranoid. So even though he accused her of being paranoid it was really him that was.
It’s easy to see how so many hidden things can make us feel like a puppet in our own drama production. If we’re the producer CREATING our own reality, cool but if we’re part of the chaos and conflict which will be interesting (have to admit) for our audience ‘friends’ cuz it’ll make them feel like their life isn’t so BAD since ours SUCKS… that’s a whole other story.
YOU’RE a stand-in occupying space… till the right one comes along for them (hard to take). If you thought it was a serious relationship. What’s important to see here is…
When there’s an unknown fear, it may not be verbalized but it WILL seek an escape route (express its ass) so will TALK in behavior mode (as in, overly nice/under do). It acts like this giant invisible hand in front of you STOPPING all the good things from happening (coming in). At the core, you don’t want it cuz it SCARES you to have it. It would mean you’d lose someone (something) there’s more competition, potential loss, more stress, you’d be more in the limelight (less in the limelight), feels like everyone loves what you’ve produced (not really, you). And still, even these beliefs have other beliefs that put them in place to your first point of attraction… mom & dad.
It was through them first… that you felt life would be fun, joyous, full of possibilities OR worrisome, hard, serious, deceitful, untrustworthy. How do we STOP the fear we inherit it through feeling or learned behavior? Some humans feel they need or should JUMP through whatever they’re scared of. Go right for it! Physically that might work like in a sport, emotionally speaking however they’re forgetting that they’re taking their OLD self with them. There’s still fear… with a relationship.
Life can be EASY or it can be hard, in order to weaken (get rid of) one that’s not serving you… you’d need to build the other. If you feel fear of losing anyone—it’s NOT about examining the gazillion reasons why. In training you don’t care why your right bicep is weaker than your left you just know, you need to work that side EXTRA. In this case, YOU need to fill up on a deficit somewhere… cuz you’re feeling close to empty.
If you fear losing someone it’s only cuz YOU are not up to speed with allllll you’re ABOUT. When it comes to fear, it’s not about jumping through fire hoops to prove you can, it’s about building your armor (SELF worth, value) so you can WALK through it effortlessly.
That’s why doin’ something for someone you love, like losing weight, gaining weight, making a lot of money to impress them, without you in the equation (you wanting it for yourself) backfires. Cuz as soon as something goes wrong you’ve lost alllll your fuel (motivation) cuz inspiration is LACKING. You’ve gotta feel it is what YOU want to do first.
So where does fear come from?
It boils down to this very LAST drop.
When you accidentally hurt someone you feel BAD… when someone hurts you, you feel bad (for shurrre) and when you feel bad… inside you feel guilty (like you caused it somehow). It doesn’t matter that someone hurt YOU or you hurt someone—the feeling’s the SAME. You… feel bad. And when you feel bad… you feel guilty. And what does guilt DO?
Guilt seeks punishment…
That’s what’s directing your impulse to think one way or another. YOU won’t know why you feel that way (your guy or girl won’t know) you just know that you do. It won’t make any sense. And that’s cuz… secretly you feel UNWORTHY…
Going back to guy and girl scenario;
Once it was discovered that FEAR of loss was holding him back from getting ahead and the feeling of unworthiness ALSO alienated him from being selective about what job gave him JOY, instead of working just to pack on hours (to impress her) he was now ready to;
- Stop what’s BLOCKING him from receiving alllll good things COMING to HIM.
- Build his own career, while being there for her.
- Since he felt all this surge of power return to him he no longer felt (under par) like he had to tip-toe around her, so he firmly stated his opinion and thoughts on things which dissolved her doubt of his intentions and confusion (he didn’t know how to man-up).
While he was actively building his own career, in turn it built his sense of SELF, which changed how he dealt with people and she looked up to him. She no longer felt like she was on her OWN (abandoned) she felt like she could depend on SOMEONE with inner conviction, value and a sense of self to be there for her (if she needed him).
A way to build the SELF…
(Prepping and truly being there for him/her)
Doing something you LOVE… will always makes you feel loved back. And since you feel love in your life you’re not desperate, you’re happy (which attracts exactly what you already experiencing).
Both these people had doubt in their hearts, due to underground feeling of unworthiness, which would have been hard to see if it weren’t for those love-bombs… EXPLODING. If you keep your focus only on TRUST… openly and authentically speak your fears (JUST in a serious relationship) we’re not talkin’ threesome, one night stand or groups (LOL) be gentle, when you see where their phobias live you WILL be able to exterminate it. Also be aware, if someone is ‘scared’ they’re not immature, they’re not being a baby, they absolutely have a reason to feel scared (maybe unaware of the root of it). It is the lowest of the lowest scab-formed SCUM to say to anyone…
“You only feel this way cuz your mom left (parents divorced) so you’re scared it’ll happen with us.”
What an Einstein. K
The person in your life NOW is a combination of alllll their histories and experiences and to put that down by saying… “You’re only feeling this cuz you went through that—DESERVES to be tickled to death. What someone feels right now is in them right NOW. You belittle that (and them) fueling their sense of unworthiness by telling them its cuz blah, blah, blah.
It doesn’t matter why it is. Just that it is.
YOU might ask that person what they need that you could comfortably provide that will make their safety net GROW… with you, cuz somewhere it got ripped, burnt or is hanging like dental floss. Make a game out of it—be creative! Say your newfound promises to each other in a Ceremony. So that the other person hears what they NEED to hear and cement it somehow, make two bracelets that only you two know the meaning of. <3 Once all this is handled and you see that a fight… is just a contrast to bring to your attention what you want instead… of what you’re putting up with,you’ll see its purpose was to build a bridge for BOTH of you.
Some of you may need a hidden compartment that’s just yours.
Others may need a clinging vine. Just make sure that at all times, the winds of heaven and earth are dancing between you. <3
LOVE divided by nothing equals unity.