The Ex Factor…

In Blogs, Inspiration, Relationships by NicholeLeave a Comment

Why do we hear from our ex the moment we’re over them? (Wtf) Seriously… how is it that we can go through sooo MUCH (break up/feel the hell) finally have a DAY where we’re don’t cry ourself to sleep, have interest in someone new…


It’s like, they have a hair sticking outta their butt that vibrates the SECOND we’re over them. ‘Go back. RE-INSTALL agony.’ Why’s the timing so on point? Why’s is it always when we’re finally HAPPY?

If we come from the premise of energy, energy MATTERS. LOL When we have a totally serious relationship, we spend a lot of time with that person. They actually do feel the need we have for them, which is why when things change and they want more independence… we fear it. When we’re tight with someone it’s exactly as the word suggests… TIGHT. When our love knot gets loosened, cuz maybe the school year started, practice sessions, or they have a new job that’s more time consuming, although YOU can breathe a little (they no longer text you 15 times in an hour) there’s still a slight feeling of a fall… like, the grip’s not the same. It may feel good being free (for a while) but then you miss it… that snug-secure type feeling. I’m talking about the independent career type girl who’s busy with her things/friends/goals… all you other girls, who make your man your LIFE it’ll feel like the earth OPENED and your hanging on for dear life.

Rule No. 1 NEVER make your guy your whole life!

Everrr. That’s NOT how to secure him to you, that’s how you secure you’re ass to their every move. Once a relationship is over (SO done) there’s a complete severance of that attachment. Lying on your bed in a fetal position crying for 4 days (not unusual) if that’s the only thing that made you FEEL secure (safe) loved for who YOU are in this world… Literally, it’ll feel like some polar bear came by knocked on your door, scooped your WHOLE insides out. Empty… is how you feel. Doesn’t matter how many friends you got (although BFF’s are most useful at this point) it will be catastrophic. Here… I would advise YOU to keep telling yourself, “I don’t need to figure anything out right now.” So your system gets re-directed off SHOCK to a steady route of coasting for awhile.

If you spent a lot of time focusing on your guy/girl like, morning noon and night without any other sports (hobbies, talents) that also had your focus and energy then once the connection (to them) stops it’s FELT—in a big way. But it’s NOT just you. I guarantee they feel it too. Cuz they were used to your intensity of focus (on them) and although an unhealthy one (one person BE your whole life) they will feel LESS supported in life. You’re no longer focused on them in the same way. THAT fueled them (even if they complained, YOU were a stage 2 clinger) cuz you put a lot of positive energy with your thoughts (FEELINGS) on them. Having someone think about you alllll the time in a positive way gives you A LOT. You don’t even realize it, till it’s GONE.

As long as you’re feeling bad, crying (thinking of memories) thinking of how YOU would have liked it to play it out (RE-SET button… if only) they will be fueled by that. Once someone ELSE catches your eye (for real) once you’re doing something that makes you LAUGH your ass off (funny videos for breakfast, lunch and dinner) it’ll be like all of a sudden they feel NOTHING (no energy coming from you, giving them energy and confidence to approach their new fascination)  it STOPS. And cuz you’re so happy laughing, there’s this lightness about YOU and that’s very magnetic and powerful. Look at the funniest guy in class… everyone’s around him. That energy PULLS people in. And that’s like having all your issues and constant DRAIN from arguing with that person go to the laundry. All that heavy soil embedded SHIT gets washed out, refreshed, recycled… so you’re light and fluffy (soft to approach NOT a pit bull with lipstick) And now… they miss YOU. They miss that energy you first had before they soiled it all up with their BULLSHIT.


What if you wanna stay miserable and feel your pain… Sure. You can do that. There is a healthy timeline for it BUT let me ask you one question. If I took you by the HAND and flew you ahead in time to show YOU… who you’re gonna hook up with NEXT would you really wanna drip in shitty feelings for another couple months/weeks/days. You need to care MORE about how you FEEL (about wanting to feel GOOD) than anything else, if you want to get over this and get into the arms of the ONE you’ll be truly happy with (sooner than later). You need to occupy your time and mind with things that make you happy. YOU can always grab a thought that made you ecstatic prior to meeting them. GRAB it now. And feel proud.  <3

THAT’S your new mission… should you accept it.

PREPARE for a miracle.

As in, them wanting a SECOND chance 3-4 days of you feeling uber happy. They will FEEL like something’s missing (your energy’s focus) they will then long for you and remember all the times when you first met and everything was so perfect. You could be having a sleep over with your friends, face masks, pizza and ice cream laughing your head’s off cuz your watching a movie that’s hilarious!! He calls… You’re like, “Hiiiiiiii.”(AHAHAHA!) He’s like…

1)     Why is she SO happy?

2)     How can she possibly be happy WITHOUT me?

Highly effective.

The quicker YOU are FEELING goood, doing your hair, nails, career, sport, something that gets you super excited… the quicker will be the vibe that calls him BACK. Just in case you change your mind. LOL Course, sometimes it’s all about who broke up with who first. Cuz as soon as they want YOU back you’re like, “Nope. Not going there. Sorry!”

The difference in making this heart transaction from painful to perfect lies in a few more critical steps.

In the BOOK.

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