Unvalued – Ignored – Isolated

In Blogs, Relationships by NicholeLeave a Comment

If you’re feeling un-valued, ignored, isolated in your relationship (where there is an ACTUAL other person) job, life in general and want to STOP it once and for all (which can be challenging since it confuses YOU into thinking you’re not worth shit). You’re gonna have to SEE it... for what it is. It doesn’t matter if you’ve repeated these cycles of hell in EVERY relationship, just started (can’t shake it) or it’s ignited by an event that’s happened a long time ago...  the poison lodged is the same. Your tormented psyche...

Now draped over the past, present and future at the SAME time. Keeping YOU stuck. So you're afraid to move on cuz you’re scared your future will be the same. Something could have happened when you were growing up... The toxic vapor of that epic event is ACTUALLY  suffocating your heart now—choke hold (for real). You could have run away from home. NOT the intro into life you were hoping for. It left a mark (holds you in bondage) as long as you let it obscure who YOU really ARE. It also left a distinct mark (that carves out the GUTS in YOU) if you remember WHO you ARE.

Cuz you’ll stand out—a LEADER. Someone who doesn’t fear the darkest corners of the world cuz you’ve mastered the darkest corners inside YOU (where no one could reach) where you couldn’t HIDE. People are pulled to you (your authenticity, intensity, audacity). When you speak your words are your blade, conviction your sword. You cut through all the bullshit. Tell it like it is. There’s no partial truth you’ll let slide past you. Before you got to this point, you went through life attracting people and places (situations) that were shady, wishy washy (not the real deal) pretending to be there for you—but NOT (unable to be there in your time of NEED). Deceitful, only wanted to be around cuz of what you did for them, what they GOT from you ‘emotionally’. So they’d lie (keep you as back-up) wouldn’t follow through on what they said, take advantage of you, mistreat or belittle you (subtle or to your face). They did NOT value you. Especially the stamina and tolerance you showed, towards all their crap (that was just expected).

If it wasn’t a friendship but an actual relationship, when things got BAD you’d work so hard to try to figure out what the hell HAPPENED (reach out to them) try and TALK to them but that was met with inflamed responses and reactions. When you’d try to gain clarity (make sense of things) go back and try AGAIN you were blamed and ridiculed for ‘needing’ to. When you’d try and tell them how much it HURT what they did (betrayed you, lied, mislead you) they’d get ANGRY... walk AWAY. Ignore you, you’d have to deal with it on your OWN. Naturally they didn't want to hear it, it'd cause them pain. They believed NOT hearing your pain would protect them... It will NOT. They don't realize that taking out your pain is their protection. Our own guilt will always be much more grueling to bear than any pain we can cause. Guilt lies low and dwells (when it’s planting new seeds to sprout... ). And at the most inopportune time. Like, when there’s an important appointment and you forget to set your alarm. Or forget to check your email, when you’re waiting for a response—miss THAT opportunity. Have a date and go to the wrong place. Deep down... you don't know why (you just fuck up). Guilt...   

If you’re in a relationship (or job) that’s not giving you a solid good FEELING (not treating you right) like, your guy (girl) is a player, flirts, deceptive, lies (hides things) breaks their word (when they know it would absolutely kill YOU) inconsistent, take advantage. You don’t feel special you feel INVISIBLE. The first thing you need to realize...

YOU did this.

It’s the first step necessary to release yourself from the victim-mentality.

Think back to the beginning... YOU knew this person never met your standards (in life) or character. They seemed off somehow (too unsure of themselves or overly sure) a bit too much of an introvert like, they were hiding something. Even though it intrigued you. They behaved in ways that seemed out of sequence, inconsistent (wanted you, then held back) too afraid to just BE... Real. They played mind-games, tried to see how and where you’d bend, really influenced by their friend (a parent) not their own man or woman. Said to YOU point blank, “I don’t feel like I deserve YOU. “ which as much as it may seem to pull you in, just to prove to them they ARE worthy... They WILL in the end sabotage the MAGIC (since their root is so undeserving). So they can then confirm to themselves, the whole thing was an illusion and go on a quest to find what they want to exist, but are petrified of finding. Since they can’t trust their judgement they definitely can’t see YOU for who you ARE (blind spot) but will regain sight, once you’ve left and it’s painfully clear from another person’s eyes (the one who’s holding you now) YOUR value.

They will also withhold the word ‘love’ when they sign their name on any letters or cards for you, girl.

Major tail sign.

YOU knew there were RED flags all over the place... but you ignored them. If you admit it to yourself (without blame) as an observation, while a human here on the earth plane (that YOU saw them but moved forward ANYWAY) it will establish a solid ground for YOU to stabilize your emotions. So you’re not caught up in them and they can be put to rest. Quietly... peacefully and with gratitude, that’s important.

(I’ll get to WHY in a minute)

By gratitude I don’t mean... It’s about being the bigger person. Girls don’t need to be BIGGER they need to honor their feelings, not get seduced by toxicity. Especially with a guy who’s passive/aggressive (highly emotional) angry at you for communicating your pain, which most often then not THEN... suckers you into feeling sorry for him. Since you’re accustomed to being in pain, you empathize with his pain (in spite of how he’s hurt YOU). On a subconscious level, your emotions recognize that his anger at you is really his anger at himself... guilt and he’s hurting (or you wouldn’t submit). So your focus is OFF what he did to YOU now, and on how you can be there for him. Totally fucked! I know, right? He’s projecting his assholeness behavior (in anger FORM at you) unable to help himself. Without projection there wouldn’t BE anger. Just like without extension there wouldn’t be LOVE. You can’t just accept love and not be GLOWING n’ shit. It’d be extended in your eyes... smile, high energy vibe or you’d explode.

It’s interesting to note that if you put hate and love on an actual scale (the energy of it) HATE would be heavy, LOVE would be light (cuz that’s the feeling it gives us). We're floating! So it makes sense that anger needs to be projected onto someone ELSE in a violent fashion—cuz that SHIT is heavy! And love just gets transferred gently, while it cascades over you, refreshing and uplifting you (making you feel lighter) better. Although your guy projecting his anger towards YOU (in spite of him hurting YOU) is really at himself for being so powerless (at the mercy of needing to lie, cheat, hide) which makes him feel like he needs to attack you cuz you're the target--you're standing right in front of him. Yes... it’s UNFAIR. But in the matrix of his mind, he’s acting accordingly just NOT seeing that’s he’s being dragged by his Ego, who always ensures its survival by making YOU feel like you need it (to stay safe). So his own self continues to attack himself... where he then turns to guilt to rest (so cries his eyes out, drops to his knees begging you to stay) until he has strength to continue the obstacle course within himself...

His weakness is what pulled you from the get go!

Especially all you smart girls out there cuz you’re REALLY logical (rational) highly analytical, able to see everyone’s point of view—but your OWN. You suffer the MOST... mental anguish. Unlike YOU girls who give zero fucks. It feels BAD—you get the fuck out! (Kudos to YOU) All the rest of us... We’ll feel for a guy like this cuz we get a chance to put alllll our focus (that’s longing to have our attention on OUR pain) onto someone ELSE. Live vicariously through them, which make us need more abuse so we can continue to give to our self through them. So it actually BACKFIRES. We think we’re doing the right thing, but it’s actually the WORST thing. And we’ll know this cuz the RESULT (for all our effort) is NOT what we want. Aka the person continues to shit on our face, takes advantage of us—we feel like SHIT. Drained AF when all we wanted was to understand WHY they did what they did. All this is understandable cuz we were never dealing with a person who HAD a full heart—just a wounded heart (long before they met us). That’s why they were anxious (uncommitted) fearful, zero confidence (low self worth) lacked judgement (immature) emotionally unstable (close... then distant) different masks (indecisive) jealous, highly manipulative. Oh. Let’s not leave out—CONTROLLING allllll to protect themselves.

THAT’S why we’ve been so confused.

Unfortunately being badly treated by someone we become highly sensitized (to their pain not our own) so often give what we’re desperate to receive (but won’t get). It conditions us to do that. And that’s why we KEEP attracting guys like this. It’s WHY we got pulled in the first place. Their insensitivity is a match to our insensitivity to our self.


When love is no longer being served...

Leave the TABLE.

This is where GRATITUDE is absolutely necessary cuz it deals with SEEING the truth, not the primitive reactions (caused by fear) of what went down. Once we see the truth of a situation we WILL

A) Feel a GREAT sense of relief and excitement of what’s COMING...

B) Rid yourself of all this gooey toxic plaque that’s been snuffing our HEART.

C) We’ll never be the same which means we’ll never choose in the same way and we won’t be drawn to someone under par (it won’t pull us).

D) And we’ll only be excited by someone TOTALLY worthy of us. WE mean the world to them... as opposed to someone clingy (doesn’t know HOW to love—never had it) needs us to feel (complete) good about themselves, so is unable to offer themselves whole heartedly (just material goods).

How gratitude works when someone’s ripped your heart out... LEFT you for dead.

Look back at all the love they DID give... way before their automatic triggers were released (backlash from the past, resurfaced) their shell collapsed (cracked and unstable) so unable to contain YOU (and your love) It fell... Isolated, hurt and UNFULFILLED. You break it off. This is where most people REALLY get confused. ONCE it’s done. Done... DONE. You’re crying about them, your mind’s rushing in showing you pictures and replaying words that HURT like hell, while your heart's actually grieving the LOVE it received from this person. And that it won’t be receiving ANY more. Your heart’s NOT missing or SAD to say good-bye... to betrayal (lies and deceit). It’s SAD (worth grieving) saying good bye... to the love given by this person. The deeper the love the longer the burial process. Honestly, if a stranger (doesn’t love you) throws you shade (hurtful words) does something that shocks you (insults YOU) are you gonna be angry more than a few seconds? If a person you’ve never met, calls you and they’re like, “I NEVER want to see you AGAIN!!” You’re going to be like, “Uh... K.” You’re not going to be SAD. Cry for three days in a fetus position on your bed, feel sick to your stomach. NOT sleep for weeks. Noooo. If there’s no love in the equation, it won’t add up to much emotional out put.


So that must mean there was love...


They did touch your heart... the part of them fighting to feel worthy of something as pure as YOU (even if it was only a small part) OR you wouldn’t feel pain now. It also means (based on your pain) it was substantial. Don’t let your head (friends) fuck with you. The ego lives in your mind thriving off past hurts and feels threatened when it perceives a LOSS (or you're made to believe you lost). It wants to win (no matter what the cost) which basically means at your expense (if necessary). Its very survival depends on you thinking you need it to point out the trail of hell... so you can rely on it to guide you. When the cross wiring occurs between the heart and mind, it’s like getting stuck in an elevator (between two floors) you’re trapped... STUCK in your head. Your mind wants to re-examine everything, since it believes pain and loss is associated with what the person DID... not what they lovingly GAVE to you. The ego doesn’t want to give in so needs to keep you feeling bound, thinking you GOT taken advantaged of (ripped off) used. The heart works a little differently.

It LIKES to live in the present...

Which is always fresh (unstained) no negative emotions. When your mind folds over your heart you CANNOT see this person in a good light. So you’re torn and pulled by your head (part that feels ripped off) to go BACK... get what you didn’t get before. Or take the pain (not feeling valued) to your next relationship. So you pull in the same or you attract a person YOU take the abuse out on. Sadly. Unless...

You’re grateful for the LOVE that was given.

If you don’t see the love given was sincere and ONLY see the person’s sense of powerlessness (addiction/abusive/deceitfulness) cry your eyes out over THAT, you’ll not only confuse yourself and take that message of confusion to the next person, operate from that premise, which basically says; "I DON’T deserve shit. I’m NOT lovable. It’s NOT safe... to love. There’s something WRONG with me. I only pick people who HURT me." And believe me... People will pick up on that and act accordingly, it will CALL them to act out like that. Just like a hang nail calls to be snagged... ripped off, bleed. They may even blame you for bringing out the worst in them. Feel bad... Leave. Or you might choose to STAY with your ex which will confirm to yourself deep down, there’s something off about you. Tolerating ANY bad behavior tells you somewhere you’re misaligned—

Forgot WHO you ARE.

It’s not healthy to tolerate. It keeps you imprisoned and keeps them in a world where abuse is welcomed, expected, condoned. To attract what you deserve not what you’ve been conditioned to believe YOU deserve means, you need to acknowledge (truly) that you ARE grateful for what you DID receive, which in reality, is a living miracle! THAT’S what love is... Some may be more ever lasting and blissful while others are sprinkled with chaos and heartache. It’s all there to make YOU see what you want MORE of (less of) and be CLEAR about what YOU deserve. So you don’t spend endless amounts of time pouring your love into someone who’s empty, broken (holes all over the place) unable to contain or feel YOUR love. Doesn’t feel worthy to BE... elected to love.

Something reserved for the gods… goddesses.


We don’t rule the universe… We ARE the universe.

For those who want to hear the phases of break up AND breaking FREE! Go to video page!

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