CASE STUDY NO. 1 WOTP FORMULA
The guy is crazy over his girlfriend… it’s obvious, she’s special. And together they were working on their dream goals. He’s always been ambitious, now he had someone he could share it with! He was helping her a lot since she needed a graphic artist and he’s such a computer geek. He never cared what job he took. She made it very clear form the beginning, she loved a guy who’s successful in his life, or aiming towards that. She knew she was going places! She wasn’t about to have a guy slow her down. Although he’s such a hard (smart) worker, things kept coming up in his life that fuck him up. He’d get fired, laid off, tight on cash. He wanted to work hard and create a lot for the both of them. She was following her career and was so excited about all the possibilities.
She begins wondering what’s up with him?
He’s SO good, he’s like, genius level. Why does he have allll this shit happen? Then she noticed (since they were a couple) their energies are start to match. All her lucky breaks suddenly M.I.A. She couldn’t understand why. She was such a go-getter. She made a lot happen FAST!! She expected A LOT in life. She got really down. She wasn’t used to zero momentum like this. Depression set in… She knew for sure his shit was rubbing off (on her). And that’s not uncommon. When you’re a couple your juices flow together… combined. Your energy becomes their energy (merged). They not only affect the way you think, see the world, yourself… but also what’s coming in for YOU (what’s blocked). That’s why couples who spend a lot of time together (real tight) start looking like each other, finish each other’s sentences. What’s even scarier… they look like their DOG. Lmao Couples can actually feel when something’s wrong in the pit of their stomach (if their boyfriend or girlfriend is hurting).
She’s now feeling torn and highly annoyed. She doesn’t want to give up on him, but she feels STUCK. Naturally, her pent up frustration gets released on him (without her meaning to) nitpicking on things he does. Due to her inner conflict she becomes more demanding (he starts to feel LESS appreciated for all he is doing). He’s now dealing with a hardcore BITCH, not the usual witty, optimistic, funny girl he’s accustomed to. But cuz he realizes he might be holding her back he lets her have her SPAZZ sessions. Thinking… It’ll show her how much he loves her. She in turn, sees it as weakness…
No girl likes to lash out on a guy when it’s really not his fault, a part of her will feel bad after, only usually the guy is talking back, so she feels it’s JUSTIFIED. Still, you can’t throw shit and not have the smell left on your hand. Similar to a guy who has a girl who’ll let him get away with everyyyything. Although he may care for her he doesn’t stay with a girl like that. That’s usually when she hears, “YOU deserve someone better. You’re too good for me.” He begins to feel uneasy (although tempting) having a booby doormat.
In this scenario…
She begins to hate what she’s turned into and cuts him off cuz she doesn’t like what he brings out in her (when he doesn’t stand up for himself). She also feels like she’s battling all this on her own, since he’s doing whatever he can to appease her, nothing about bringing clarity or light to the situation… by disputing or probing her feelings. When a girl’s torn she’s in helllll. It’s ongoing… there’s no rest until she figures a way out. She’s in a FOG… Girls don’t like any type of blindness, since love for them is ALREADY a blind leap of faith. LOL Will he bail after I have sex with him? (Well, yeah… most likely if you sleep with him just cuz he took you to the movies). Will he cheat on me with another girl? Most likely, if he’s a DICK (not the real deal) or supremely frustrated after trying relentlessly to make up with YOU, but you keep saying no. Will he humiliate or embarrass me? Only if you didn’t WAIT to really know him so… bragging rights! Or he does it innocently. Does he have any weirdness you don’t know about? That’s where you pray to God he’s not a pervert/sketch bag/creep that went undetected. Scary…
More on how to read a guy in depth in the book…
Girls need to know precisely where they STAND with a guy (and why). They crave certainty and will treat each guy like he could be the one until he actually proves he’s NOT. With the guy we’re discussing, cuz he keeps trying to keep her calm so she wouldn’t spazz he tip-toes (hold his tongue) watch everything he does, how he acts around her which means he starts getting nervous trying to anticipate her next move. And now whenever he deals with people he’s not as sure of himself. He feels a bit off his game.
She in turn sees this and starts to lose respect for him…
She’s questioning EVERYTHING. No girl wants a guy that’s not confident and especially… that’s scared he’ll piss her off. Girls don’t like guys who aren’t independent. Yeah, we wanna mean the WORLD to you but we don’t want to BE the world for you (way too big a responsibility). She begins doing what most girls do (unconsciously) tests how far she can get away with things (moody, attitudes, truthful yet hurtful remarks). As well, she is testing to see how DURABLE their love is by being her worst self, see if he can take it (her mini beast). If a girl has a dad who isn’t there a lot or pays little attention to her, she’ll want to make sure what she has, is the ultimate… and can handle her (at her WORST) take a lot of wear n’ tear without RIPPING apart. LOL Not having secured a father’s love whose there consistently, she needs to see that her guy will come back and comeback, NOT give up on her (or them) EVEN if she does. Then she can declare it as true…
And this is why it seems like girls want one thing but ACT… exactly opposite of that. What’s guiding them is not current but an undercurrent (sucks a girl in every time). LOL Which is why a relationship is the most special gift we CAN give our self. All triggers can only be activated (rear their ugly heads) when we feel completely safe (unconditionally loved) and cared for.
One day she’s EXASPERATED (intense inner conflict) feels completely alone trying to make sense of it all… spirals DOWN. It’s difficult to get at the truth, if one of you are too scared to make the other more mad (that alone will aggravate them cuz they don’t even feel like they even KNOW you) they’re not dealing with a human being, more like a flexible piece of cardboard (bends whatever way you want). K There’s no safe place for anger to come out n’ play (if one of you is refusing to go there) so it’ll have to be an unsafe place.
Even if you’re trying to prevent it from happening (doing everything they want and avoid arguing) it’s gonna happen.
Whenever you’re trying to NOT make something happen (cuz you fear it) it’ll HAPPEN. Example; You try not to talk about it cuz it’ll piss them off—they think you don’t care. So they’re even more pissed. Then you decide to TALK about it and they wonder why you didn’t want to talk about it BEFORE (isn’t it important to you). LOL
a) I don’t want them to feel jealous, so I won’t tell them I’m chillin’ with…. (then suddenly they’re suspicious)
b) I don’t want them to get mad I spoke to such and such, I’ll tell them I was with my BFF… (they’re un-trusting).
c) I don’t want them to feel insecure so I won’t tell them my ex contacted me…. (they become jealous)
Anytime you want to avoid a certain ‘response’ you’ll act in a way that will evoke that exact response.
Due to the fact that FEAR (fear they’ll find out) is inside dictating your actions to make you do exactly that. Cuz it has to speak loud (in action) cuz its trying to CONVINCE you first… them second (that you’re not guilty). So it’ll be odd, out of sync, unusual (under-compensating/overdoing) in BEHAVIOR.
Usually, the one who is in anger is in the most pain (a CRY for love is what that is).
There is no way to get to the truth of the matter if one of you are TOO afraid (hurting the other). In the scenario the two of them are at the cottage and they have this HUGE fight. She can’t exactly go anywhere. She dreads the long night ahead, all she sees is red!! Now she’s regretting all the time she spent with him—what a WASTE. She’s actually more mad at herself cuz she feels she’s confused real for an illusion. They start SHOUTING back and forth. He feels so used after all the hours of hard work he’s been putting in (for their future together) and he just BROKE. Exhausted… He chokes on his tears and blurts out… “I’m sooo afraid after we get to our dreams you’ll LEAVE!”
To be continued.